greener pastures

a new year and a new beginning.

and as all good things come to an end, its now time to move on.

if you are a fren, e-mail me at sherylsim@gmail.com for my new bloggie.

ciao.

u noe anger has reached a whole new level when someone gets annoyed at you for something which is really not yr fault.

when it comes to the important things in life, maybe i'll juz always be alone to deal with it.

maybe at the end of the day, there really is no one i can count on.

and maybe there really is nobody that will ever understand me and stand by me unconditionally.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You win some.. and you lose some."

i think the person couldnt have said it better.

Perhaps thats the way balance is achieved in our lives. its something which God puts in place in order to remind us at all times that we are falliable and only human. and that no matter how well we are doing, at some point in our lives, we need divine intervention, we need Him cos no one else can fill up that void and that emptiness. And no one has the power and the ability to right a wrong or to turn the tide the way He can.

n thats exactly how i m feeling now.

being deserted by the whole world, and perhaps, i m really left out all alone to deal with things cos no one cares enuf to listen or to bother themselves with me. maybe i m juz a pathetic somebody grousing now so pple can leave lame messages on my tag board telling me how much i mean to them, and how much they still care for me.

but deep inside, i really feel an emptiness which is so heart wrenching.

i wish darry was here. then again... oh well.

jaded

"i work for money. if you want loyalty, get yourself a dog."

i juz lifted that off someone's msn nick and in some cynical way, i agree to it to a large extent, especially in view of the recent spate of events which have been happening at work. or rather, i wish i believed in it so that maybe life can be so much easier for me. i wont keep thinking of how much this person means to me, and i also wont keep thinking of how much i mean to that person.

as much as i try to dislocate myself from issues, its juz so damn bloody hard.

i remember going home one day in tears after work. tears of anger, of pent up frustrations, of wrongful accusations, of hurt. and darry told me this " you are there to work. you are not there to make friends. keep telling yourself that." i've tried what he said.........

but i juz cant.

i care too much abt pple. i care too much abt whats happening to them. i care too much abt pple's feelings.

so much so that i expect them to feel the same abt me.

n when they dun, i feel so let down, so disappointed, so upset. fark man. i hate this.

darry once told me that the reason why i care so much abt what pple feel and think is because i want them to like me, and i want to be popular. i used to argue back and tell him that that's not true, but i m juz more sensitive to other people's feelings by nature. i m mindful of how they feel cos i care abt them and they matter to me.

i dunno y but recently i've been wondering whether or not hes rite after all.

i dun understand why i cant juz be like what he said. just do what i have to do and fark care everything else. i mean after all, who bothers abt loyalty and abt relationships? its all abt the money baby.

after all, the richest and most powerful man in my office is rude and friendless. maybe that really is the way to go if u wanna succeed.

screw friendships. screw work. screw you.

it's been a long time...

so nearly 2 months has passed since i last blogged.... boy has things changed.

i felt like it has been an eternity and i have come so far and such a long way. and of cos in a small way, scored a mini victory.

work was disgusting when i first got back. my temp margin hit rock bottom and i had no candidates, no clients, no momentum, no motivation, no luck. all i felt was low and down and low and down and low and down. SIGH. it was terrible. i closed last month with a terrible 5k sales. din even manage to cover my own cost. dammit. hello pay cut, bye bye coach bag. it gave the words down and out a whole new meaning. it din help that one of the closest colleagues i ever made in RE left the job. someone so endearing and so close to my heart, someone whom i could click with instantly, and someone who is so not like most of the others who are no doubt nice, but chee-nah piang to a large extent, someone who is also an arts student who could understand my weird lingos and catch phrases. october was horrible.

but God is good and He never fails me when i need Him most.

as i draw closer to the end of november, it occured to me that how far i've come from there. and i m positive without an inkling of doubt that all these would not have been possible if there wasnt a higher being up there watching over me and blessing me and guiding me. this month, i invoiced 4 new clients, hit record sales of 14k, n pulled up devastated temp margin to a more respectable number. i m speechless beyond doubt. n i noe i din do all this all my own.

it has been truly sad how apart from work, my life is really about more work. whenever i take a long walk out of office back to the mrt to go home, i look at the throngs of people, crowd after crowd, and i cant help but wonder why do they seem like they never have to work. it sucks that when i read about my friends from their blogs, i realise that i've slowly been eliminated from their posts and the photographs that they put up. i dunno. i think thats a very telling sign that perhaps, we really do not spend as much time together anymore. and the confirmation of cos would be the fact that anything new i learn abt them these days, i read them from their blogs. dammit. i suck as a fren.

christmas is coming. takashimaya and wisma have been playing christmas carols endless since last month. i bought my christmas cards already. i tot that i would love to send a greeting to all the pple who i miss and mean so much to me. i bought the cards about a month ago and they are still sitting pretty in the bag. i think i really need to get my lazy ass moving. thats the problem with me. i know wat needs to be done but yet i love to procrastinate. i love to push things till the last min. i wish i were more proactive. maybe then i wont have so many regrets and so many if-onlys when i look back on my life next time.

i wanna buy christmas prezzies. but i m damn freaking broke. good luck to all those who are still studying cos u'll be in in for a big shock the moment u graduate. (only applicable to those who took on the gawd damn bloody CPF loan) the minute i start working i m already on a 20k deficit/debt, which i would have to repay. i m trying to to work out something on my own to pay back the bloody loan but right not it juz seems like an impossible sum. it doesnt help that whenever i dun hit my target, the bloody bloodsucker of my company deducts 20% of my already peanuts-as-it-is pay. thats the problem with working, u start takin on more responsiblities. u start shouldering more burden. u start having more problems too. fark.

i think i getting fat. working is so not good for my waistline. i sit at my desk 24-7 and the only exercise i get is when i walk downstairs to get my lunch. it doesnt help that i like to snack on my job. and i eat so much more now as compared to last time when i was still in uni, and not to mention the fact that i used to run 10km every other day. i can feel my fats coagulating on my ass and on my thighs. =( someone buy me a marie france package for christmas!

well... this has been a very senseless post. i juz typed everything and anything that comes to my mind. but it feels good doing this considering how long i havent blogged. yep..even my chatterbox has disappeared. BAH. alright. promise to do this more often. tata.